The Statues Are Saying 'Grousing Is For Losers'

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"...the Gators will win three of their next four games, landing right on the number of 7-5 where I projected them to be, maybe losing this weekend at College Station..."

The other day I went for a stroll on Lemerand Boulevard and made another visit with The Statues. It’s kind of like an Orange And Blue Field of Dreams, except our guys don’t come out of corn fields. They’re cast in bronze, so people have a difficult time trusting that my conversations are real. They’re the same ones that don’t believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Texas A&M’s Twelfth Man. Or Shoeless Joe coming to life in Iowa.

I know what some of you are thinking: “Buddy, you’ve totally lost it again. What little bit of cred you had is going down the drain with your B.S. story about some imaginary conversation with objects made from copper. You need to check in over at UF Health Psychology and come back to reality.”

OK, stop right there. Let me give you my thoughts up front, before we talk to Steve, Danny and Tim.

I’m no statue, but I think Billy Napier’s program, while in a bit of a crucible, will survive and one day flourish, that the Gators will win three of their next four games, landing right on the number of 7-5 where I projected them to be, maybe losing this weekend at College Station, but bouncing back to beat South Carolina, Vanderbilt and FSU. And I didn’t need the statues’ approval or secrets – I figured that out for myself.

Remember, as bad as you may feel about being 1-4 and non-relevant among SEC teams, what’s important is the trajectory. So even 6-6 and a bowl bid is not a disaster, because the cupboard will be replenished with transfers and new commits as Napier shapes his roster for the future. And they get 15 post-season practices. So hang tight.

As for talking to the statues …

Yes, I am among the privileged, because the Spurrier, Wuerffel and Tebow statues do, on occasion, allow me to hear and share the nature of our private conversations – statue talk only. So I bear a great responsibility.

There’s something they’d like you to know. So they issued this joint statement: While they love and appreciate you and your support, they’re a little sick of your grousing.

“We’re working here,” Coach Spurrier said.

“It’s tough to watch and listen to you Gator fans complain as you walk past us,” said Danny, never one to complain. “We feel you, but you must realize that your negativity is like poison to others.”

“We hate the pigeons when they fly over and leave their calling cards,” said Tim, “but honestly, the stuff we hear from some of you people smells worse!”

They went on to say that while they understand being a 4-4 team under Napier ain’t exactly something you’re proud to write home to mama about, it comes with the territory. The transition process can be painful, they said in the statement, but it’s necessary. “So strap it on,” said Spurrier.

“It’s called a ‘crucible,’” said Wuerffel, who has spent his whole life following a path of faith and serves as president of the Wuerffel Foundation and founder of Desire Street Ministries.

Definition of crucible: “A situation of severe trial, of which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.”

Which translated, means we all have to pay our dues and wade through the morass to reach our human and spiritual potential. As did the prophet Elijah, who encountered plagues, droughts, pain, hunger and doubt, but lived through, remaining obedient.

We sometimes forget that all three statues are “Sons Of A Preachermen.”

There was one last request by Wuerffel and Tebow. While they both applaud the success of their rivals in Knoxville, they are drawing the line. That color of orange they’re wearing isn’t Gator-sanctioned. And Coach Spurrier’s open admission about being a closet Vols fan isn’t openly endorsed.

On the Paul Finebaum Show recently, the HBC admitted:

“I was watching that Alabama game with some friends and a guy looked at me and said, ‘Coach, you pulling for Tennessee?’ I said, ‘Well, of course I’m pulling for Tennessee. I’m from Tennessee. You know that?’ He said, ‘I thought we always pull against them.’ I said, ‘Well, if the division race depended on them losing, of course we’d hope that would happen.'”

Hmmm. They didn’t issue any statements about that little rift – the statues don’t fight each other -- as our conversation on Lemerand came to a close, but Danny and Tim made note that as much as they love their former coach, there are certain things they don’t agree on.

All three of them also wanted you to realize that the next few weeks are going to be challenging, as we hear and read about players leaving the program.

More news this week following the dismissal of starter Brenden Cox as five-star safety prospect Kamar Wilcoxson announces he is gone to the transfer portal. Change is afoot everywhere and there will be many more. That’s what Napier meant in his Wednesday presser when he referred to it as modern day CFB free agency.

The trimming of the roster is by design and we’re going to lose some players that were among our personal favorites. Plus, who all will come out for the draft, including Anthony Richardson?

If you’re not in for the long haul, then perhaps you should go find another team to root for next fall. Gator fans are going to need staying power and the willingness to endure a crucible. Maybe you need to have your own conversations with the statues.