There Are Christmases ... And Then There Are Complicated Christmases

Oh, if it were only possible to sum up our holiday feelings by wishing all of Gator Nation good tidings and praying that Florida football could experience a return to glory days. 

It’s a complicated Christmas this year.

Every celebration of Christmas is different, usually marked by gladness and happiness, the reunion of loved ones, or a significant gain or loss or change in your life. Such is the case for me this year.

It would be easy to say, “All I want for Christmas is the joy of Christmases past.” But I cannot.   Because that really can’t be possible.  Some things and some people are irretrievable. And eventually even memories grow sketchy.

And is it even possible to experience joy  in the midst of heartache?

Absolutely. I am living proof that it is.

This will be the first time in 63 years I have not shared Christmas with Joni and/or one of our kids. Rebecca, Brenden and Lori are all spending  Christmas at home with their families this year following the death of their mother on June 15.  They are all mourning her loss and honoring her Christmas traditions in various ways, from cooking her special recipes, displaying some of her favorite things or playing music she loved. Brenden even dug out her old tree and resurrected it with her favorite decorations.

For me, as many of you know, I have moved in to a new chapter of my life.

In the midst of my suffocating grief and with the encouragement of two friends also recently widowed, I was able locate an angel who inspired me to move forward when I didn’t feel I could. It was an old flame whose last name and marital status and location I didn’t even know. Through divine assistance I found her.

Today I am sitting here  with my fiancee Dawne in our beautiful Northwest Florida condo, high above St. Andrews Bay. Yesterday we had a really nice celebration with her family — now as our new extended family — at the home of her oldest son Tommy Ford, sheriff of Bay County, with the family of his brother Tyler Ford, the pastor who will marry us Jan. 20 in Mariana. What a great family who so graciously welcomed me. We will alternate living between Panama City and Ocala.

Dawne and I go way back to over 63 years ago as true loves who broke up and went separate ways. The next serious relationship I had was with Joan Sharp which began five weeks later and in 18 months we married.

Do I miss her? Of course. Am I sad? Certainly! But am I grateful to have someone like Dawne in my life to share her family and celebrate a resurrected love? Yes. What a blessing! So I am having a grateful Christmas while mourning Joni's loss. Luke I said, comlicated.

Christmas is always a marker for life’s milestones. This became my Christmas miracle for which I will be eternally grateful, in the midst of pain and grief. I have found joy out of profound sadness.

Merry Christmas and may your family have a blessed holiday.